just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
