You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
