I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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