my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
