Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
