Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
