At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
