By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
