that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
