the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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