you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
