I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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