I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
