woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
