If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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