I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
