Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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