I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
