Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
