I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
