To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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