We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
