can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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