Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
porn star boner night. come get it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
