My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
