wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
