Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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