Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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