No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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