to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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