piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
