Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
