can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
