TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize