Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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