There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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