PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
