i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize