giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
