yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
