The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
