Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
