some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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