Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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