My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
