I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
