She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
