Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im holly from the hills drunk
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
