Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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