I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
