he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
