i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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