We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
