youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
