I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
