Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
