end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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