her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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