margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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