now i know why i became what i already was.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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