I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
