We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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