People in love make me want to vomit
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
