i just made my gag reflex go away.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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