Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
