So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
