Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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