I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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