is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize