Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize