I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
