I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
