so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
